A friend, Vern, responded to one of my Blog entries with words that made me pause, sit up straight, look out the window and wonder.
I enjoy being caught off guard by the welling up of desire within from some unfolding drama (drama that I may or may not be directly involved in); from the words of others, from beauty or pain. Just yesterday I was on the ground jabbering and teasing the son of one of my colleagues here at RH and out of nowhere he says to me, “You’re goofy…”.
Surprise! There it was… the final assessment of my entire life…. Through the innocent and sweet playfulness of this 5 year old a tsunami of defining desire and terrible fear overwhelmed me. And though I chuckled and continued “goofing off” with him I was lost in the desire for my life to leave a lasting imprint and the aged fear that it may not!
Oh Lord… I so long to be a life-changer, a sage, the Friend of God, the General Douglas MacArthur of an army of warriors, the Michael Phelps of authentic intimate Christianity, a poet/writer, the “real deal”… “goofy” isn’t the epitaph I’m living and dying for!
I don't want to be "goofy”!
I get up off the floor and gracefully left the little twerp to hide from our company in the woods for a few minutes and to cry out to God for his grace… his validation… his words.
He (God, not the twerp) is everywhere setting ambushes, leaping out from behind delightful kids, delayed flights, a song, the sound of crickets, an email from a friend… the disappointments of community. Through all this and more he raises up desire, fears, wounds… all sorts of things and invites us into the healing, comfort and holiness he offers. – Craig