“My grace is sufficient for you.”
2 Corinthians 12:9 nasb
There is only the kingdom, friend. Everything else will slip through your fingers, no matter how strong your grasp. Why do you fight this hope? You nod in appreciation but ask it to stay outside your yard. Pascal understood: “Nothing is so important to man as his own state, nothing is so formidable to him as eternity; and thus it is not natural that there should be men indifferent to the loss of their existence, and to the perils of everlasting suffering. They are quite different with regard to all other things.”
What is this dark enchantment that keeps the human race from facing the inevitable? Maturity means living without denial. But you are grasping at every possible means to avoid the inevitable. You give your hopes to all sorts of kingdom counterfeits and substitutes; you give your heart over to mere morsels. You mistake the promise of the kingdom for the reality and give your being over to its shadow.
But when you finally accept the truth that you will lose everything one way or another, utterly, irrevocably, in this life—then the Restoration is hope beyond your wildest dreams.
I don’t mean to be unkind, but you do need to be honest about your losses—both those you have suffered, and those that are coming. What exactly in your life can you control? Be perfectly frank about that.