PETER

I wept as I read, .

"So, put down the book for just a moment, and let this sink in: Jesus can, and wants to, heal you heart."- Waking the Dead - page 136:

 

I put the book down and let it sink in.

 

I closed my eyes (the voice came)- "Jesus can, and wants to, heal my heart."

 

I keep repeating it - "Jesus can, and wants to, heal my heart.  Jesus can... Jesus can heal my heart... He wants to heal my heart..." I keep saying the words over and over... my heart cries "Abba" The laces are undone, the latches unlocked, shields down.

 

I weep.

 

The failures and shortcomings. The lust. The moment of sexual innocence lost and the endless cycle of pain and despair; the flood of haunting memories that curse my dreams. The well-placed arrows and piercing daggers; the years of masturbation and images of women that I had scourged over. The women I had used, but deeper still, the ones that had used me.  I weep... because scoop by scoop, piece by piece, hole by hole... He is removing the guilt and extracting the pain. I want to stop (I am weeping And  my neighbors will likely soon be at my door) but I can't - I can't let go. I’m not going to stop short of... ... silence. The tears stop. The voice returns.

It is good, it is good. It is very good” (His words only after creating Man in His image).

I made it through parts of Wild at Heart years ago, but the weight of sin and shame left me a casualty of war, lying wounded on the battlefield. I never believed my heart could still be good... not after years of my sinful hypocrisy and the forced outward smile. Now, here I am... God was always moving and still speaking, but now... "they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them." (Matthew 13:15)

I look forward to the rest of my journey with my Savior.. I am. a man fully

alive. - Peter

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